Epictetus had a remarkable metaphor for enduring difficult circumstances: he compared life to sitting in a smoky room. A bit of smoke? Fine. We stay, cope, and carry on. But if the smoke becomes unbearable? The door is open, and we can leave any time.

This isn't (as some have read it) primarily about suicide, though the ancient Stoics did discuss that. Instead, it’s about knowing (at all times!) that we have options. That we are not trapped in our smoky room.

Job grinding you down? The door is open.

Relationships that are always getting worse and not better? The door is open.

Old commitments you made years ago that no longer serve you or anyone else? The door is open.

Many endure far more smoke than they need to, and it’s not because they’re brave or valiantly committed to this that or the other thing… it’s because, even if only subconsciously, they’ve come to believe there’s no other option for them or that leaving is just too hard or impractical.

They’ve convinced themselves that leaving would be weakness, or selfishness, or, above all, a failure.

Sometimes it would be, and we need to be self-aware enough to know when that’s the case… but sometimes staying is the least courageous choice (but the one we make anyway because change is frightening and the familiar is comfortable).

Here’s something we rarely consider: given the smoke, given our roles, given the context, what is the reasonable thing to do?

Is it to stay and endure? Or is it to walk through the door?

(that rhyme wasn’t intentional, I swear)

There's no universal answer, of course, but knowing the door is an available option changes how we choose to “sit” in the room.

Today's suggestion: Think of a situation you’ve been enduring for a while. Ask: "Am I staying because it's the right thing to do, or because I've forgotten I can leave?"